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It is inevitable that you will have disagreements with your partner. Whether it’s about how to spend your weekend, what to eat for dinner, or how to discipline your children, you will not always see eye to eye. However, it is important to remember that disagreements are a normal and healthy part of any relationship. What matters is how you handle these disagreements.
Did you know that removing just one simple word from your conversation can change the whole tone of it and prevent your partner from becoming defensive? Find out which one in below in our list of 17 tips on how to have a constructive conversation with your partner.
Choose the Right Time and Place
One key to having a constructive conversation with your partner is choosing the right time and place. It is important that you both have the same agenda for the conversation, so that both of you feel comfortable participating. Try to schedule conversations when neither of you are stressed or angry, and avoid arguments about sensitive topics in front of children or other people who may be affected by the discussion. In addition, try to find a comfortable location where both of you can focus without interruption.
Prepare for the Conversation
Before getting together with your partner make sure you have prepared to have the conversation. It’s a good to have a list of topics you want to discuss and come up with specific questions you want to ask. This way, both of you can be on the same page and start off with productive conversations.
Focus on the Topic
Bringing up past issues is not helpful and can derail the conversation. Make up your mind that you are going to talk about the current issue, and only the current issue. This way, you can be more productive and get the conversation moving in the right direction.
Avoid Attacking or Blaming your Partner
It is important to remember that you are on the same team. Attacking or blaming your partner will only make them defensive and less likely to listen to what you have to say. Instead, try to approach the conversation as a problem that you are both trying to solve together.
Be Honest and Open
When initiating a conversation with your partner, be honest and open about what you are thinking and feeling. This will help build trust between you, which is essential for open communication. Avoid accusatory or judgmental language, as this will only make the conversation harder. Instead, try to express your concerns in a constructive way so that your partner can understand why they are bothersome to you.
Listen Carefully
It is important to listen attentively when talking with your partner. Not only will this allow you to better understand their points of view, but it will also show that you care about them. Do not interrupt or give feedback unless your partner has asked for it; instead, allow them to continue speaking without interruption. This will help build trust and encourage open communication in the future.
Don’t Take Everything Personally
If something your partner says upsets or frustrates you, remember that they may not be aware of how their words are impacting you. Try to take a step back and perspective the situation from their point of view. Sometimes all we need is a little understanding from our partners in order to have a constructive conversation.
Be Respectful and Understanding
When talking to your partner, always maintain a respectful tone. This means being understanding and taking their viewpoint into account, and not speaking over them, interrupting them, or using sarcasm when communicating with them. If they’re feeling emotional about an issue, don’t try to push them into talking about something they don’t want to. Just listen patiently and offer support when possible.
Set Boundaries
Remember that discussions between partners are usually going to involve disagreements from time to time. When this happens, it’s important to set boundaries so that each of you can have your own space without feeling overwhelmed or attacked. Say things like “This is something we’re going to disagree on; can we talk about it another time?” or “I need some time alone right now; can we continue this conversation later?”
Stay Calm and Constructive
When communicating with your partner, it is important to stay calm and constructive. This will help to prevent any arguments from becoming too heated, and it will allow for a more productive conversation.
One way to stay calm during a conversation is to take a few deep breaths. This will help you to center yourself, and it will remind you that you are in control of the conversation. Additionally, try not to react immediately when your partner makes a statement. Instead, wait for them to finish their sentence before responding. This way, you can better understand their point of view.
Be Willing to Admit When You’re Wrong
When you are communicating with your partner, it is important to be willing to admit when you’re wrong. This will show your partner that you are willing to learn and grow as a couple. Additionally, admitting when you’re wrong can help prevent arguments from becoming too heated.
Be Willing to Make Compromises
In any relationship, there will be times when each person has to give up something they want in order to make the other person happy. If you are unwilling to compromise, then it is possible that neither of you will be happy with the outcome of the conversation, so at least try your best to meet in the middle wherever possible.
Be Mindful of Your Tone
When you are communicating with your partner, it is important to be mindful of your tone. A positive tone will encourage your partner to continue talking. Conversely, a negative tone can make your partner feel defensive and discouraged. Try to avoid using any loud or aggressive words when talking with your partner. This will only create tension in the conversation and can prevent you form reaching any constructive outcome.
Avoid using “you” statements
As well as minding your tone, try your best to avoid using “you” statements for example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try “I feel like I’m not being heard.” These types of statements are less likely to put your partner on the defensive and more likely to lead to a productive conversation.
Be Patient
Communication can be difficult, but it is important to remember that your partner may be just as frustrated as you are, so it may take some time for them to open up and share their thoughts. So don’t get impatient and start yelling or attacking your partner. This is only likely to make the situation worse.
Take a Break if Things Start to Get Heated
It is okay to agree to disagree and take some time apart if things are getting too intense. Sometimes, all it takes is a little time apart to calm down and come back together with a fresh perspective.
Seek Professional Assistance
If all else fails and communication with your partner is proving to be too difficult, it may be helpful to seek professional assistance. A therapist or counselor may be able to help you both communicate in a more constructive way.
Conclusion
Communication is very important in any relationship, and having open and honest conversations with your partner is a great way to build trust, intimacy, and connection. However, having difficult conversations can sometimes be hard, even if you have a great relationship.
Following the advice above will help you have better and more constructive conversations with your partner. If you have tried these tips and still find that communication with your partner is too difficult, it may be time to seek professional assistance.
A counselor or therapist can be a great help in improving your communication skills, so that you can both feel more connected to each other.
